Starry Eyed Soul Sisters

Unlikely events lead you where you never expect; I may have lost things in the process but in the end I won more than I ever thought I deserved.

(Mt. Cheaha State Park) Blue eyed girls have more fun

(Mt. Cheaha State Park)
Blue eyed girls have more fun

As we held hands on the back porch of our dreams, I looked her right in her starry blue eyes and promised her the world. I intend on delivering it.

We have had one hell of a journey, the years, the drama, the bullshit, and all hurt of past histories that cannot be erased or made “all better” with a bandage and some betadine. All of this muck we’ve battled through was leading us to each other. I told her, she is the prize at the bottom of the cereal box. She’s the most inspirational person in my life. And I love her!!

blue eyes11

I do not hold her to ideals, I know who she is. Beautiful, Loving, Supportive, Brilliant, Inspiring, Strong, Noble, Wise, Honest, Mother, Wife, Leader, Teacher, Willful, Amazing, Hilarious, Goofy, Dancer, Writer, Poet, Artist, Brave, Authentic, Intuitive, Passionate, Charismatic, Audacious, Lovable, Rare, Priceless.

I wouldn’t trade her for the world, I feel so blessed to have her in my life. She has truly helped me find the way back to being who I really am; all fucked up and beautifully unique. She has helped me become a better person more than I ever thought possible. She makes me laugh louder, smile brighter, and live better.
She has never been anything but honest with me from the very beginning and I respect that more than anyone who would try and lull me with a false sense of reality.

blue eyes8

She knows she can count on me for whatever she may need or want. I will do anything and everything in my power to make it happen. And if I can’t, you better believe I will have given it my all and that should count for something.

She is very precious to me and I will honor her by standing tall right by her side through whatever the universe throws this way. I could not imagine where or what I would be if I had listened to those who were simply jealous and advised me from taking the first step in contacting her.

I felt it deep in my gut that this was the path I was meant to take, even though I had been warned and harassed for my actions. I swallowed my fears and showed up on her front porch. We were both overwhelmed with feelings, emotions, and stories for each other. I’m sure like I was, she was also very nervous of me. My instincts are usually dead on the mark and I was hoping this too would prove that for me again.

The Bad Witch

The Bad Witch

We dove into the hard stuff right away, we laughed, cried, hugged, and somehow in this fucked up mess started feeling a sense of peace. The night I went to meet her, on my own terms for the first time we spent the next five hours talking about everything we never had anyone else to share our secrets with that truly understood. We understand each other then and now, better than I think I’ve ever been with anyone. Somewhere in the midst of drinking and smoking our pains out, I got brave enough to ask her to be my teacher. The look on her face was priceless. I could tell that out of everything I said or could have said she never saw that coming. She told me, she would have to seriously think about everything and that she would either way get in touch with me to let me know.

It wasn’t the answer I had hoped for but I really shouldn’t have expected anything more. I was patient and knew that if it was meant to happen it would. Sure enough, it did. When I received her email welcoming me into her sacred space, the ground beneath my feet disappeared as if I were in a dream. I had asked for this but never expected to receive it. It was like Christmas morning and I knew then that what would follow would be nothing but magic.

Since then the road we travelled together hasn’t been easy, it wouldn’t be as special as it is, if it had been. October 26th will make it our first year together and I am so proud of everything she really is, who she really is, and all that she does for those she cares about.

(Mid-Summer Celebration 2013) Face painting, enough said.

(Mid-Summer Celebration 2013) Face painting, enough said.

In a land where dreams really do come true, we have each other. A solid foundation built with honesty birthed the greatest relationship in the history of the world. I know she has my back and I have hers. When you are honest with one another trust is never an issue. We have dealt with our share of crazy, neurotic, sociopathic muggles for a lifetime and then some. It is now time for peace.

With each day that passes I can look back and see how I’ve grown, how I am more relaxed, open, strong, and in the most stable place I’ve ever been in. I have her to thank for that. She might not hear me tell her enough how thankful I really am, how much I truly love her, how she inspires me to strive for the best in my life, how she makes me set goals for myself that will truly help me all through my lifetime, how wonderful knowing her is and how much she has helped me realize I am worth more than I give myself credit for.

blue eyes 7

She works harder than anyone I know and gives it her all when embarking on any task at hand. She is a leader in our community, that with her influence has grown closer and stronger. It’s a beautiful thing to witness. She may not claim to be Wonder Woman but she could put on the costume and fool me.

Super Woman <3

Wonder Woman ❤

I have watched as she has invested her heart and soul into our kindred and it has grown like a beautiful garden carefully tended and weeded when needed. She takes her time and spends it on those she loves the most, each little seedling gets just as much energy and care as the next. And boy, is this garden thriving.

She crafts her intentions into reality, never have I met a person who kept their word like she does. If she tells you something, I’ve learned she will follow through every time. Seeing someone be so responsible and respectable motivates me to follow in her footsteps. She has the best family anyone could ever dream of and I tell her all the time, it’s her influence on them that has shaped them into the beautiful human beings they are today. I am lucky to share in the experience of it all.

We like the same music so most nights turn into Sing-A-Longs filled with laughter and late nights spent with the best kin and company surrounding us. We craft art things together. We share and hold sacred space together. We respect each other. The inside jokes go on forever, we don’t even have to speak most times; I can just give her a look and she knows exactly what I’m thinking. Having a real connection with someone opens your eyes to all the false ones you thought you had. The illumination she has provided has opened my mind and eyes to so many things I would have never gotten to alone. She is the most amazing teacher and friend I could have ever asked for.
As she has invited me into her life I have been so blessed in so many ways. I truly feel at peace and that I’m on the right path discovering myself and the world around me.

blue eyes5

I want to tell y’all a story before I end this post.

My birthday is two days away and I will be turning twenty-one. I did not know her last year on my birthday, or what I did know of her couldn’t be further from who she really is. I was surrounded by a group of people I called family and they welcomed me as their family. I spent nine and a half months thinking they really cared for me. I was so wrong, they all had their own motives for using me as they pleased. I was unaware of the ongoing nonsense of it all. My birthday rounded the corner and the woman I had grown to call my *magic* mother wanted to adopt me, not legally but spiritually. A Cherokee adoption, in her words once adopted as family there is no way out but death.

Mean-Girls-mean-girls-2250711-300-375

I believed in this, I believed in her, I believed in something for the first time in so long and it felt good. She gave me two names in Cherokee, the first she said meant ‘FOX’ for I was her little fox. The second name meant ‘Black Fox’ to show me that even my dark side was loved and honored at least in her eyes.
I thought it was everything I had ever dreamed of. I knew deep down the uneasy feelings I was getting were in fact something and I should have paid better attention. You see all those other people I told you about were extremely jealous that I had walked into her life and took the spot of favorite like it was a Tuesday. I thought it was healthy for them to feel this way and I would never ask anyone to hide or burry their true feelings.
However, I never thought that they would form a group of hate against me. I should’ve known better than to be so naive. No more than two weeks had passed and I had every single one of them mad at me for this reason or that. I was willing to put in the work and time to regain everyones trust and respect, but sadly was never given the option. They wanted me gone and that’s what they got. She let me know, I was no longer ‘safe’ on her land where I had been staying nor did anyone in her group want to hold ritual space with me during the approaching holiday.

That was all I needed to hear; I was no longer one of them. They pushed me from the circle and once I was out, I saw things in ways I never would have if I were still in their circle.

That night was Thursday October 25th. I drove out to the boondocks and found a nice little dirt road that had only one or two driveways on it, I slept in my car that night. Funny enough I wasn’t worried about some backwoods guy coming out and messing with me, I was however, terrified zombies were going to emerge from the line of trees that I had parked next too. I know, silly. So I took all the clothes I had in my car and built a bed for myself. The next morning I rose with sun and felt sick to my stomach.

Had everything really happened? Had it all been a nightmare? No, it was real and it hurt. How had I ever thought I had everything? I had been so blind.
I needed someone to talk to, I needed a rational minds input. I went to a lady’s house that morning, one whom I had grown to call my Auntie. She wasn’t as engrossed in the circle as the rest of them, I thought she could help give me some advice, insight, or just an ear to listen.

She welcomed me over and let me tell my version of the events that had transpired. I was unaware until after I finished my story and my first pack of cigarettes that she had already talked with the woman I had called Mama. What she told me next made me feel more sick than I thought possible. I already knew she had been spreading rumors about me to anyone who would listen and Auntie was one of the last ones to get a call. Mama was working her hardest to have me excommunicated from the pagan community at large.

Da-best-3-mean-girls-30385693-400-239

The rumors were so ridiculous I never imagined anyone in their right mind would believe them. Girls in high school couldn’t even come up with rumors like these. They were so far from any truth I was more shocked than anything. How could this woman who claimed she loved me as her daughter, so easily and viciously spread such a crock about me? I will never have answers to most of these questions.

So auntie and I sat there for the next several hours and discussed everything. She told me even after I had received three horribly written and offensive “good-bye” letters from the ones I once called family, that I could still fix this. I laughed out loud, I was not willing to try and fix anything with anyone who not only threatened my safety, had attacked me from behind a computer screen, had lied to my face, lied behind my back, tricked me into sacrificing my favorite part of my self (my dreads) for a boy whom she already knew wasn’t interested. I have no respect for liars, even less respect for someone who tries to abuse me.

I had been fooled into acting out against someone I thought was “bad”. As I had been told horror stories about this woman for the last nine months, things became so clear that day. I realized if this woman I called mama would in a moment turn against me and spread lies about someone she supposedly cared for, who else had she been lying about.

mean-girls-lindsay-lohan_1920x1080_260-hd_copycrop__index

What came next was a feeling that I had so much to fix, not on their part but on those who were also targets of her lies and drama. I wanted to contact and apologize to this ‘bad witch’ I had been taught to hate. My auntie advised me against it, she said the bad witch has nothing for you, you will gain nothing from that. I saw things differently and Goddess I am so thankful I did.

Reaching out as scared as I was, was the best thing I have ever done. Now I did not want to bring the drama into this blog and this is in no way an attack on anyone. Hang in there, there’s a point to this story I promise.

So, there I was in a fucked up head space, felt like I was lucid dreaming only I had little control of what was happening. It was so surreal and so unbelievable I couldn’t process it all. I sent the bad witch a message apologizing for my actions and for ever believing anything I had heard without making my own decisions or observations. I asked her if she would be so inclined, I wanted to meet with her, face to face. So we did. And it was beautifully strange, familiar and nerve racking.

Rockin' Devil Horns Like A Badass

Rockin’ Devil Horns Like A Badass

I have been by her side ever since that night. Her light shines so bright there’s no room for darkness, corruption, lies, or drama over here.
I thought what I had was real but it wasn’t until I really found something real did I see how fake everything before had been.

I would like to thank you, ‘mama’ for if I had not journeyed down that trail, if I had not been so close and wrapped up in all things you were, if I had not gone through what I did; I would not be the person I am today. I would not have one of the greatest relationships I could have ever dreamed of. You make me appreciate all that I have now for without you it wouldn’t be what it is today. I wouldn’t appreciate “The Bad Witch” like I do now, if I had met her first and had never gotten to see the other side of things. We both have gone through more than our fair share of crap and us coming together, in my eyes has made everything before all the more worth it.

yesblog

I am proud to call her kin, she is truly family. She doesn’t make false promises, she doesn’t tell me when to jump or how high, she doesn’t tell me who to like or what to do, she is, however, honest with me. She doesn’t tell me I can have all the candy in the candy store. She calls me out when I make a mistake and has taught me to take responsibility for my actions.

In short she has taught me this:

1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

I knew these thing before meeting her and growing with her, but now I truly understand them and can integrate them into my life like I never thought possible.

So, here’s my last point I promise.

With my approaching birthday I haven’t known exactly how to feel or if I even wanted to celebrate it. I have realized that’s no way to be. I cannot focus on negative things if I ever hope of moving past them. In turn that was part of the inspiration for this blog. I saw that there is so much more in my life now that I should focus my time and energy on, so many better things, beautiful things, real things. And what has made me into this strong, willful, caring, happy, at peace person I am today? My lovely sister, teacher, friend, and role model: Angela aka the first Bad Witch. She no longer holds that title, but has passed the torch to me for I still have many stories to be written and shared with the world.

blue eyes2

This post is dedicated to her. I want her to know that no matter what may come, I will always be here for her. She is the most special lady I have ever had the honor of knowing. And I want the world to know how much I love her and truly appreciate all that she really is.

Advertisements

Welcome The Wizard

They call me The Wizard cause I got abracadabra written on my sleeves; can’t get close to me cause my fire burns liars pants with ease. Snort the magic dust, now it’s me they can’t see.

This Wizard lives, didn’t you read the end? Harry Potter defeats Voldemort and lives to tell of what he did. So say I, The Wizard has emerged; don’t under estimate me I’ll leave you buried in a pile of your own words. You’re not the only one who lied to me. Right, but it was you who was planting the seeds. You don’t deserve a garden, all you grow is hate. Don’t be acting crazy and neglectful and blame it on people who don’t support or propagate your wyrd sense of fate.

The Wizard has seen what you have to offer and I laugh. I can’t be bought. What happened to your proverbial window and your ethics you so easily threw out; under the Blood Red Moon, I remember it clear. The Wizard doesn’t forget cause The Wizard has risen above fear.

 

A Nighttime Journey

July 7th 2013 

‘This whole trip I’m talking about is fraught with paradox

The most exquisite paradox

As soon as you give it all up

You can have it all

 

How about that one?

As long as you want power you can’t have it.

The minute you don’t want power you’ll have more than you ever dreamed possible.

 

What a weird thing…

 

As long as you have an ego

You’re on a limited trip

 

You’re on a trivial trip that’s going to last

? Maybe what?

60_say 70_ maybe 80 years

And full with fear of its end

Trying to make its own eternity.

 

Well: If “I” am not speaking

If “I” am not what “I” thought “I” was

How did “I” get into this

Who am “I”

For only when “I” know who “I” am will “I” know what is possible.’ –Remember Be Here Now

 Image

Only in the late night early morning does true inspiration find me.

I am still. In a constant place of welcoming, waiting, and there she is.

I walk among the shadows from the tall country grass and the trees with thousands of stories to share.

There is no moonlight out to light my way tonight so I close my eyes and let the Divine guide me.

She takes me down the soft dirt path that turns into smooth pavement.

Before long my eyes have adjusted to trusting her with my steps.

I walk in faith, I walk with purpose, I walk with her.

 

My shoes take me on a journey that feels unlike any walking I’ve ever done before, like this path I’m on I have travelled before with familiarity. This trip felt like it had always been a part of me that I had just forgotten about. But I knew that couldn’t be right, at least not on the physical plane.

 

The breeze blew down the county road and enveloped me, like a warm summer blanket. I felt safe standing alone in the pitch-black road where the only eyes on me were those of the woodland creatures.

 

The stars were not as bright as they are most nights but they still danced in that romantic way that vibrates within me. They showed me a map of my future. They showed me the choices that lie ahead.  They showed me a route to the unknown. A place that I would soon learn to call ‘home.’

 

“Buy the ticket, take the ride.” –Hunter S. Thompson

 

Over the past few months I have been growing and coming to find answers to questions I didn’t even know I had. I have learned so much and hope that I will always be learning, I will never know too much. I have found beautiful relationships and kindred within my community and I feel blessed in every way when I think of them. We have grown together so much it’s amazing to be apart of. With our most recent endeavor leading us to bee hive research. Amazing these creatures, I’d love to have a few hives of honeybees. Could you imagine farming your own homegrown honey! One day I will. And I will tell you guise all about it.

 

I recently lost my job of almost three years and it has taken my life off the tracks in a very unexpected way. Now the more I re-examine the situation the more I see. I see all the fake people who were nice to my face but would stab me in the back to get ahead. I see where real loyalties lie.  I see where I asked for this to happen. I see where financially I am worse off but in every other way much better off. I see that taking on the process of opening myself to the higher power changes everything even in the smallest of ways.

 

“Be curious, not judgmental.” – Walt Whitman

 

As you walk through one door and close it behind you, in the now before you are limitless doors. Choose what’s next and walk through it. You always have a choice, even when it seems like you don’t. Beautiful things surround you everyday but if you never look, you’ll never see them.

 

I opened myself to what was in front of me, behind me, on both sides, and above as well below. Even in what most people would describe as destination ‘bad trip land’ it is easily fixed I have found from a little confidence in your own mind and experience.

 

Once upon a time someone or something not so nice blinded me to the ways of the Divine Mother, still not sure on that one.

This ‘entity’ had me screaming up and down creation that I was Wolf. I was to howl at the blood moon and grin for “Mama knows best.” I was wrong. I am not a Wolf. Not by a long shot. I do not howl like a beast at the beautiful Moon.

I fly around her, for I am a Dragon. When you see the truth and you know it because it flows in the same veins as your own blood does, then you have truly seen. 

 

“Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted.”

 

You can no longer go back to what you thought, no matter how soothing your fantasies were, you unlocked that door within and now you have no choice but to step through to the other side.  

 

“The difference between the right word and nearly the right word is the difference between lightning and lightning bug.” –Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

 

 Image

 

(Rapunzel and Mother Gothel featured above, such a shame she cut all her hair off.) 

“I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her.”

“I did trust her… with everything.”

“She didn’t need to break down my walls, I gave her a key.”

“She could smell my intentions from the moment I met her and she played on that until the very end.”

“She’s not stupid by any means… Reckless? Yes. Psychotic? Yes. Paranoid out the wahoo? Yes. Powerful? No. Harmless? Perhaps. Certifiable? Definitely.”

 

“You have no power here! Begone, before somebody drops a house on you, too!” –Glenda, the Good Witch of the North. Wizard of Oz (1939)

 

Let them have their delusions, it’s better for everyone that way.

Let them get lost in their web of Wyrd and tangle themselves as they please.

If the spider chases the fly it get’s no dinner; if the spider waits the fly will be the hand of his own demise. Don’t do for others what they already are doing for themselves. That may sound harsh but if you only knew.    

 

You’re driving down a desert highway with your lawyer and you see a hitchhiker. Your lawyer advises you to pull over and give the kid a ride. You tell him with the fear on your breath “We can’t stop here, this is Bat Country.”  You stop anyways.

You may be in way over your head but deciding that turning back would be a rather uninteresting option you invite the stranger to join you on your trip.

You wonder how long you have before your lawyer friend starts seeing the bats and you’ve completely tripped this kid out. Seconds. It’s all about vibrations and the kid is not vibrating on your level.

 

It’s all about the experience though, right?

I can get down with that idea. No matter circumstance, you have yourself and that’s all you need. You can escape anywhere; you have had the power all along. Please don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. No matter how you learn as long as you learn the Truth. Who are they to judge you on your way to knowledge? Don’t believe in The Beetles believe in yourself. Be the Walrus. 

 

“You’ve always had the power to go back to Kansas.”-Glenda

‘I have?’ -Dorothy

“Then why didn’t you tell her before?” -Scarecrow

‘Because she wouldn’t have believed me, she had to learn it for herself. –Glenda

Image

 

(Self photo: Out in the yard making Stavs with my Kindred, most fun I ‘d had in while.) 

I can sit here all day and tell you things until I’m blue in the face but until you experience them yourself it wont do any good. So why not take the ride?

 

Discover something new within yourself. Let go of everything else and let yourself really experience being free. Commune with the Divine Mother whenever you can, she is always there. Always. Remember what it’s like to be a child, embrace that, and never ever stop dreaming even when you wake up.

 

 

 

“WHEN I heard the learn’d astronomer;

When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;

When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them;

When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured

with much applause in the lecture-room,

How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;

Till rising and gliding out, I wander’d off by myself,

In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,

Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars.”- Walt Whitman ‘Leaves of Grass’

 

 

 

 

 

 

Muggles and Other Nonsense

This past month has been full of surprises and I can’t be more thankful for where I ended up through all of it. I still have several half written blogs I can’t bring myself to find time for. I feel like I’ve been hiding out for a while; no reason really, just had stuff I’ve had to get done. 

Let’s see here about a month ago I still was work at the place we shall refer to as TDDN. I was trying to figure out how I was going to live all the way across town with a single speed bike and make it to work. I managed to find a way to work for the time and wasn’t really making any money. About a week and a half later one of my friends/coworkers quits TDDN and I was unaware until the next day. Now, she and another coworker decided to open up their own shop. I was friends with them before that I had thought nothing of it, they wanted to be friendly even with TDDN but no it didn’t matter. So me being a natural at falling into stuff gets called up and fired because of a rumor “lie” whatever you call it, people were talking smack. More importantly my coworkers were talking smack about me for being friends with the girls who opened their own shop. Now this was a pretty big shock but it wasn’t that bad, being set free means run; don’t turn around and try and go back in your cage. 

I moved into the perfect spot and while on a walk with my doggies, I stumbled upon a wild black berry patch. It’s not even time for them to even be blooming yet and I have already found so many it’s amazing. I have started the planting of seeds this year but have made only a small dent in the bag of seeds. Spring is the time when I wish I had just enough land I could grow whatever I could think of the most. It’s more than just sunlight and water; I’ve got the special touch. It makes me so happy to be able to experience my little seeds grow into mighty plants. 

I was lucky enough to be able to get a tattoo apprenticeship as of recent at this new little shop that’s already a great place to be. I am looking forward to what I can learn to better my abilities not only for tattoos but art in general. I hope to have much to share with y’all soon. I spent yesterday practicing cursive and I can already see a difference in many areas.

This past week I spent covered from head to toe in wood! Yes, I wood burned, dremeled, and sanded as the sun went down and came up. I was diving head first into waters I had yet to test fully. Each piece of wood I worked with worked me back. I learned a lot that week about wood working, proper safety setup, how to keep it from getting all over you (or at least out of your hair). I learned what bags work best when picking black berries, who my true friends are, how to safely collect poison ivy root for wand making,and that job hunting is best done not in the heat of the day. 

I have one week before a festival and I still have things to be done, outfits to craft, and I’m still searching for a new job at least temporarily. I’ve got pages and pages of ideas for things to craft and make, but never any time. This past week has been the first week in months that I’ve gotten to start a project and be able to finish it on time and without hassles. With things looking brighter I am glad to still be around. The dust has started to clear in this empty town. 

I got a new tattoo almost a week and a half ago and she’s still healing but beautiful. It’s on my elbow, I got a sunflower and yes there’s even a picture if you look to the left hand side. (Instagram) 

Well I’ve been up all night again and it seem like I don’t have much time to write. Farewell for now. 

-Hazey 

 

You Know You’re a Hipster Pagan When

LOve this, gotta check her out if you haven’t already!!

The Witch of Forest Grove

Pagan Hipster Meme

It all started with Meadowsweet & Myrrh‘s Alison Leigh Lilly and her hilarious blog post Hipster Paganism. The local cities of Victoria and Vancouver where I’ve lived are plagued with hipsters and therefore hipster pagans and so found myself laughing ’til tears streamed down my face.  I had many heard pagans say these things (especially in the traditional witchcraft community – you know who you are LOL)! Not being able to resist, my mischievous friend Shivian and I started a #HipsterPagan hashtag on twitter and, of course, chaos ensued. The funny part? Me and most of my friends are guilty of some of these – not going to say which though!

@Shivian “My ritual salt was fair-trade harvested from a locally owned, small ocean cove by well paid employees.”

@forestwitch “I only use chants collected from the oral lore of rural peoples from Outer Hebrides before 1890 because it’s…

View original post 271 more words

Late Night Debacle

I have not slept yet and I do not plan on it. I watched the sunset and I will watch the sun rise here shortly.

Late nights fill my head with delight, everyone’s dreaming and I’m busy scheming.
There are sleeping bodies all spread across the floor, yet I’m still awake; sitting here, writing more.

Thoughts leave my mind and travel through my arms. My fingers tap against the keyboard and letters appear on the screen. Smoke fills my lungs as I inhale and purple clouds hang around my head.

My thoughts fight each other to come out first, they want to be written down and published in works. They mangle and tangle with each other causing one big mess; my fingers can’t keep up, leaving flames on the desk.
They burn into my skull as I try to get them out leaving forever stains where ever they were at. Lavender lips entrance my thoughts, I think of you and I become lost.

Fantasies run through my brain as I’m driving this all night magic writing freight train. They don’t make sense and they will never come true, they are just fantasies and there’s no harm that they can do. Wash away my thoughts and free my hands, this keyboard is my homeland.

I will play your games as long as I think I have a chance to win, you see, my sights are set high and I wont bend. There’s something about you that takes my breath away, the way you dance, had me locked in a trance, too good to blink, you’re a tiny dancer and I can’t think straight.

With the world at my door I leave out the back, I tried to sneak away but got caught in the act. Here I drink this bottle so tall, once filled to the top with vodka, now less than half remains and i’m still not feeling it at all. I’d rather be getting warm by a fire, sharing stories and laughs, than stuck here in this room with nothing not even a glass. I’ll drink from the bottle and write another line, the night is creeping away and daylight is feeling fine. The liquid goes down my throat and snuffs out the cold even in my feet. My hands are busy typing and with each stroke they create a beat. A new song is make with each sentence I write, I could make a whole album from just tonight.

There is stillness in the night that gives me quite a fright. There are kids passed out sleeping on the floor and half hanging on couches. There’s no silver ware in the drawers, not a can of beans to be found. It’s such a weird little night in this tiny college town. The snores are coming in muffled each time; I’m still playing music and writing the thoughts that come to mind.

The things that I think and the things that I say aren’t on the same page and never come out the right way. My tongue fights a war with my mind, it wants to say what I have to keep inside. It’s a daily battle sometimes I lose, I can’t help the ones that blurt out and leave others feeling confused.

I want you to write me book like you’re Stephen King, win my heart like you’re Whitman, and cast Johnny Depp as the lead role. I’d sell my soul for a copy. Spin me story that leaves me wanting more, tell me something new I haven’t heard before; let your inhibitions go and just let your writings flow.Tell me of a land waiting to be discovered, build me a hot-air balloon with descriptions so clear I’d think we were in it. Test the winds and check the map; if you lead the way, I’ll have your back. A journey unlike any before is truly what I’m searching for, you can take me there with my eyes closed shut; I trust you more with my gut.

The darkness is no longer in the room, the birds are waking up and singing their tunes. There are still kids sprawled out everywhere, sleeping like babies without a worry or care. If only when they did wake, they could keep that inner peace like state. In the light coming in I can see all that was hidden before, there’s a stack of books and a stuffed animal by the door.

Oh what a night it has been, I just can’t believe my eyes; there are six tiny birds, chirping outside. The cold winds of the morning grow strong they give me chills through my bones. As I’ve watched a day come and go, I’ve sat here patiently enjoying the morning glow. There are no longer stars in the sky we see, the full moon is gone, and now it’s just you and me.

Smoking cigarettes like it’s my job, oh what a restless night can do; There is numbness in my legs but there’s nothing I can do.
I hear my friends start to stir about, they walk gently as to not wake anyone else in the house. They whisper like mice, I can hear them through the walls; their voices are muffled and their footsteps creep down the hall.

They’ve opened the door to find me here, still sitting where they left me, still writing without fear.
The time passes faster when everyone’s awake, I cherish the night and the calming energy it radiates.
They are up and ready for their day, I’m not done writing, I could be here for days.

There’s so much bubbling in my dome, chemicals mix together and they fizz and foam. There’s a whole world outside this window; I’m not afraid of falling, I’m afraid I’ll let go.

It’s so good to have my computer up and running again, with all the writing I’ve done, it’s almost like I’m trying to make up for four months in two days. So many writings I started and moved on, I clearly have too much to say when there’s nothing going on.

There’s snow on the ground outside my window and I wish you were here.
There’s a snoring sound coming from the floor and I wish you were here.
There’s vodka to drink, everyone’s asleep, and I wish you were here.
There’s nothing to do but play music that makes me think of you, I wish you were here.
There’s a stranger rap, tap, scatting at the door and I wish you were here.
There’s nothing but darkness and I wish you were here.
There are drugs to be done, I wish you were here.
There are things to do and kisses to be given, I wish you were here.
There’s an aching in my soul, I wish you were here.

Until next time, stay sane.
Blessed Be,
Hazey

The Witchy Blog Award

I was nominated by the sweet and wonderfully witchy Ehsha at http://abadwitch.wordpress.com/ However her newest blog is at http://ehshaapple.wordpress.com
Thank you for the nomination and I would have had it posted sooner but I guess that’s what I get for trying to post it from my phone.


Seven Questions:

How did you “discover” Wicca/witchcraft?
Not only is it in my bloodline but from way back when I was little, my dad had native friends and I knew they understood me better than the Christians of the local southern baptist church. When I was 17 I met my sister in the craft we learned a lot together and one day I hope to be in her life again.

Do you grow herbs?

Yes. I have an infinity for growing my herbs and plants from seed. I love getting new seeds and learning how to not only grow them but use them as well.
Are you “in the broom closet”? If not, share your coming out experience.

With the blood mother, yes. She would probably have a stroke if I told her, she’s very much a hypochondriac. She thinks all that is occult is of the devil. My co-workers and friends know, but pretty much any of them have never thought otherwise.

What tradition do you follow?

For the past eight and a half months I’ve been on a Cherokee and Celt path. I am also learning more about F.O.I. and the Hermetic traditions. I am looking to broaden my path and actually have my lineage traced. As well as looking forward to my future learning.

Do you consider yourself a witch, Wiccan or Pagan (or maybe something else?)

Well, I call myself a witch, if what I do is the craft it makes sense. I am certainly pagan and strongly believe in mother earth and all her faces.

How much of witchcraft/Wicca are you able to incorporate into your everyday life?
Every moment of my life. It’s not something I think about, I just am.

Do you have a familiar? If you do, tell us how you meet him/her and how s/he takes part in your practice (if at all).

Actually, a few. And, for safety reasons, I prefer not to disclose more. There are malicious Witches out there y’all.
However, I will say that thankfully I have them all with me safe and sound.
I’m sorry to report that I did not have as many nominees that I would have liked, but we can fix that later. None the less these are the Awesome Witchy Blog Award Nominees:

*http://sharmishthabasu.wordpress.com/ Sharmishtha Basu
*http://witchingwildwood.wordpress.com/ Witching Wild Wood
*http://arealwitch.wordpress.com/ A Real Witch