July 7th 2013
‘This whole trip I’m talking about is fraught with paradox
The most exquisite paradox
As soon as you give it all up
You can have it all
How about that one?
As long as you want power you can’t have it.
The minute you don’t want power you’ll have more than you ever dreamed possible.
What a weird thing…
As long as you have an ego
You’re on a limited trip
You’re on a trivial trip that’s going to last
? Maybe what?
60_say 70_ maybe 80 years
And full with fear of its end
Trying to make its own eternity.
Well: If “I” am not speaking
If “I” am not what “I” thought “I” was
How did “I” get into this
Who am “I”
For only when “I” know who “I” am will “I” know what is possible.’ –Remember Be Here Now
Only in the late night early morning does true inspiration find me.
I am still. In a constant place of welcoming, waiting, and there she is.
I walk among the shadows from the tall country grass and the trees with thousands of stories to share.
There is no moonlight out to light my way tonight so I close my eyes and let the Divine guide me.
She takes me down the soft dirt path that turns into smooth pavement.
Before long my eyes have adjusted to trusting her with my steps.
I walk in faith, I walk with purpose, I walk with her.
My shoes take me on a journey that feels unlike any walking I’ve ever done before, like this path I’m on I have travelled before with familiarity. This trip felt like it had always been a part of me that I had just forgotten about. But I knew that couldn’t be right, at least not on the physical plane.
The breeze blew down the county road and enveloped me, like a warm summer blanket. I felt safe standing alone in the pitch-black road where the only eyes on me were those of the woodland creatures.
The stars were not as bright as they are most nights but they still danced in that romantic way that vibrates within me. They showed me a map of my future. They showed me the choices that lie ahead. They showed me a route to the unknown. A place that I would soon learn to call ‘home.’
“Buy the ticket, take the ride.” –Hunter S. Thompson
Over the past few months I have been growing and coming to find answers to questions I didn’t even know I had. I have learned so much and hope that I will always be learning, I will never know too much. I have found beautiful relationships and kindred within my community and I feel blessed in every way when I think of them. We have grown together so much it’s amazing to be apart of. With our most recent endeavor leading us to bee hive research. Amazing these creatures, I’d love to have a few hives of honeybees. Could you imagine farming your own homegrown honey! One day I will. And I will tell you guise all about it.
I recently lost my job of almost three years and it has taken my life off the tracks in a very unexpected way. Now the more I re-examine the situation the more I see. I see all the fake people who were nice to my face but would stab me in the back to get ahead. I see where real loyalties lie. I see where I asked for this to happen. I see where financially I am worse off but in every other way much better off. I see that taking on the process of opening myself to the higher power changes everything even in the smallest of ways.
“Be curious, not judgmental.” – Walt Whitman
As you walk through one door and close it behind you, in the now before you are limitless doors. Choose what’s next and walk through it. You always have a choice, even when it seems like you don’t. Beautiful things surround you everyday but if you never look, you’ll never see them.
I opened myself to what was in front of me, behind me, on both sides, and above as well below. Even in what most people would describe as destination ‘bad trip land’ it is easily fixed I have found from a little confidence in your own mind and experience.
Once upon a time someone or something not so nice blinded me to the ways of the Divine Mother, still not sure on that one.
This ‘entity’ had me screaming up and down creation that I was Wolf. I was to howl at the blood moon and grin for “Mama knows best.” I was wrong. I am not a Wolf. Not by a long shot. I do not howl like a beast at the beautiful Moon.
I fly around her, for I am a Dragon. When you see the truth and you know it because it flows in the same veins as your own blood does, then you have truly seen.
“Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted.”
You can no longer go back to what you thought, no matter how soothing your fantasies were, you unlocked that door within and now you have no choice but to step through to the other side.
“The difference between the right word and nearly the right word is the difference between lightning and lightning bug.” –Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
(Rapunzel and Mother Gothel featured above, such a shame she cut all her hair off.)
“I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her.”
“I did trust her… with everything.”
“She didn’t need to break down my walls, I gave her a key.”
“She could smell my intentions from the moment I met her and she played on that until the very end.”
“She’s not stupid by any means… Reckless? Yes. Psychotic? Yes. Paranoid out the wahoo? Yes. Powerful? No. Harmless? Perhaps. Certifiable? Definitely.”
“You have no power here! Begone, before somebody drops a house on you, too!” –Glenda, the Good Witch of the North. Wizard of Oz (1939)
Let them have their delusions, it’s better for everyone that way.
Let them get lost in their web of Wyrd and tangle themselves as they please.
If the spider chases the fly it get’s no dinner; if the spider waits the fly will be the hand of his own demise. Don’t do for others what they already are doing for themselves. That may sound harsh but if you only knew.
You’re driving down a desert highway with your lawyer and you see a hitchhiker. Your lawyer advises you to pull over and give the kid a ride. You tell him with the fear on your breath “We can’t stop here, this is Bat Country.” You stop anyways.
You may be in way over your head but deciding that turning back would be a rather uninteresting option you invite the stranger to join you on your trip.
You wonder how long you have before your lawyer friend starts seeing the bats and you’ve completely tripped this kid out. Seconds. It’s all about vibrations and the kid is not vibrating on your level.
It’s all about the experience though, right?
I can get down with that idea. No matter circumstance, you have yourself and that’s all you need. You can escape anywhere; you have had the power all along. Please don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. No matter how you learn as long as you learn the Truth. Who are they to judge you on your way to knowledge? Don’t believe in The Beetles believe in yourself. Be the Walrus.
“You’ve always had the power to go back to Kansas.”-Glenda
‘I have?’ -Dorothy
“Then why didn’t you tell her before?” -Scarecrow
‘Because she wouldn’t have believed me, she had to learn it for herself. –Glenda
(Self photo: Out in the yard making Stavs with my Kindred, most fun I ‘d had in while.)
I can sit here all day and tell you things until I’m blue in the face but until you experience them yourself it wont do any good. So why not take the ride?
Discover something new within yourself. Let go of everything else and let yourself really experience being free. Commune with the Divine Mother whenever you can, she is always there. Always. Remember what it’s like to be a child, embrace that, and never ever stop dreaming even when you wake up.
“WHEN I heard the learn’d astronomer;
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;
When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them;
When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured
with much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;
Till rising and gliding out, I wander’d off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars.”- Walt Whitman ‘Leaves of Grass’