Going into a tunnel with your eyes closed, arms open, ready to travel to the ends if the earth is not something I recommend unless you’re hard headed and like to learn hard lessons first hand. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
I whole heartily believed every thing that came my way without question, that was my first problem. When I was shown the truth I did everything I could to not believe it. I was being foolish and childish. It took a lot, it took things I could have never guessed, it took being an ass, and it took me further yet again when everything came around full circle, I saw the truth I had ran from in the beginning. I heard a tree tell me back in July what I should’ve listened too, however I guess in a way I needed this to occur so I could relate better to something in my future. But that’s the good thing about useful blogs, you can always go back and read it again, maybe face palm after reading but none the less that helps you learn. And hopefully saves you some heartache long down the tough road ahead.
Recently, I stepped in a whole pile of mess that still sinks, I danced in it Friday night. I am not saying I’m not responsible for what transpired only that everything happens for a reason and this was what I needed to really be able to see what was right in front of my eyes. Just a word of advice not all good witches are beautiful and not all bad witches are ugly, you live and you learn the best you can. This post is not for anyone but me, I don’t believe Word Press and Facebook are acceptable spots to spew personal things such as this. So this is not a post that I will go into too much depth on, either you know or you don’t and if you don’t there’s a reason. I am writing this as my way to release a small bit of everything flying around me currently.
I feel silly and I probably will for a while, honestly I’m still in shock with everything, I feel like someone put me in a hamster ball and spun me as hard as they could. I think it will be a while before I can fully digest every thing that has happened but none the less I’ve learned more than one lesson this past week and will truly consider much more from now on. Always question, because if you don‘t and you end up looking like a fool, you only have yourself to blame. I keep walking around, sitting, thinking and every now and then “shit” just slips out of my mouth in awe of all that has taken place.
I would have never imagined in a million years I’d be sitting on your porch of brick last Friday night, under these circumstances, sharing stories, laughter, and tears. Hearing more only helps clear the air for me.
Even when your told you’ve effed up with only people you have left it isn’t always true, you just have to stand strong to your convictions and look in places that you were told had no answers. When you can see it first hand, that’s the moment you know you can’t ignore it any longer, that zombie you locked up in the barn is… hungry. You’ve got two choices in zombie land, feed it or end it. If you choose to feed it I won’t judge you, however, I do not condone these actions but I can understand why you would.
When I took a step back and really started connecting things they all started to make more sense, in the long run I hope I will come away from all this as a better person.
Not everything is as cut and dry and it seems through the interweb, I will make it clear this is extremely hard for me just thinking about so much I wish wasn’t true. I’m blown away and still not completely sure how I should feel. Almost everyone that is pissed off at me recently has full right to be, however know that things get twisted on both sides of things and that only propagates drama.
I am not making an attempt to band-aid this scrapped knee, I want it to breathe so it can heal properly. I’ll be forever sorry for countless things that do not belong on the Internet. I am slowly getting back to where I need to be and doing it with open eyes.